I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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