Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
