I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
