goodnight i made you a song goodbye
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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