What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
YAS. BRING CRAB.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
