I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
she told me i tasted like america
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
