I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
