His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
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