I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
sex in a hospital.. check
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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