am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
