I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just found puke in my bra..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
