I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize
