Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
