i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
