I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
