We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I touched a dick in church today
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
