It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
