Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
