my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
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