my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
