What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
