You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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