Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
