WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
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Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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