captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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