WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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