You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
