Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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