He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
from now on my penis is your penis
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
