and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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