There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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