He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
