And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
