It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
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Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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