I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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