I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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