Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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