Small penises have feelings too.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
