Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
