Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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