Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
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he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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