Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
