I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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