Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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