How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
