u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
