Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
