so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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