I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
