So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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