It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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