it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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