Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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