Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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