my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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