This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Drake has all the answers
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
