Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
