just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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