I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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