Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
