i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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