you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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