Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
