Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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