I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
