it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
