I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
