A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
