Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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