Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
