Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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