I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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