I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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