i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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