if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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