i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
