2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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