his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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